Palamariu Family Blog

Just to let you know, we posted some more pictures from our travels trough India on Picasa.

Enjoy!!

“Tomorrow we are going to Deepak’s family!” Cristina tells me with great enthusiasm in her voice. Deepak is a good Indian friend of hers from the time she was studying in Brest. And, even if he is not currently in Delhi, he insisted that we go and see his family.

So, the next day, we take a rickshaw taxi and set out through a horrendous Delhi traffic to have an authentic experience of Indian hospitality. Though, hardly had we known how deep it can be.

“Welcome! We are sooo happy to meet you!” Deepak’s brother Monik was quick to greet us when we finally arrived at their place, having spent more than two hours in an insane Delhi traffic. Very quickly, we got introduced to all the family: Deepak’s father and mother, Monik’s wife, Nitty, and their two lovely children.

Hardly had we sat down and Nitty was already very fast to start bringing several delicious goodies on the table. “Take a little bit of everything!” Deepak’s father encouraged us.

Having filled up our plate, we proceeded to savour the mouth watering taste of Indian snacks. Wooooaw! It was a treat to remember!

And just as we finished and were already pretty full, Deepak’s father announced: “And very soon Nitty will bring dinner. “

“What? There is more?!?” myself and Cristina were thinking, feeling our stuffed up stomachs.

Deepak’s father continued “You really need to try the food as Nitty took the afternoon off from work especially to prepare it”.

This was just the first moment when we realised how much these people had gone through to welcome us in their home.

What followed was the most amazing dinner we have had in our life. Homemade Raita, Chappatti, Panner, Potatoes and some more dishes that I do not know the name of followed.

Needless to say, we were overwhelmed.

And Monik was always on stand by, filling up our plates the moment we were close to finishing what we had.

And when we left, they had yet another surprise. They had prepared gifts: a sari for Cristina, a silver coin that had been in their family for generations, a Krishna flute and box of sweets. And they also would not allow us to pay for the taxi back home.

Moreover, even after all this, when we felt quite overwhelmed and we could not stop saying ‘Thank you! Thank you so much!” they were still insisting: “It was nothing! As part of our culture, this is what we need to do for our guests!”

She is Dayu. The head of the staff at Kubu Merta villa.

She earns 70 euro a month. She, as most of the other people in Indonesia, works 6 days a week, gets only one day off…oh, and she has NO holidays! (can you imagine having just Sundays off and working the rest of the year?!?) Her husband, Ketut, is currently unemployed.

As she is pregnant, for her to go and give birth in a hospital (as in Indonesia medical care is not at all free!), it would cost her 300 euros (her salary for 4 months!) Plus there are plenty of ceremonies and offerings the Balinese culture expect from a new mother. Dayu also has to pay for that.

Moreover, Dayu and her husband live in a tiny room, where if two people lie on the floor, the third one would really have to really squeeze in!

But…Dayu is HAPPY! In our 2 and a half month stay in Kubu Merta, I have never seen her down. Nor have I ever heard her complain about anything.

And only once did i see her sad…and it was because her brother had accidentally deleted all her wedding pictures. So she had not one left! But even that…It lasted her just one day. Then she was back to smiling mode.

Obviously, all this really makes my “problems” look significantly smaller. Not to say mere trifles. And gives me little excuse for choosing to complain. And be unhappy about what I have.

Because it is soooo much more than what Dayu has. But she still chooses to smile…and work her way through it.

The sun outside was shining like a ball of gold. Sounds from the orchestra of birds, frogs and insects in the rice paddies filled the air. Loud laughter and chattering came from the kids playing next door. It all seemed like another day in Bali paradise.

Well, not for me. I literally felt like sh*t. Yeah! Can you imagine?!?
Having  total freedom to travel and do whatever I felt like… having the fortune to have a beautiful wife to share the adventures with…having the privilege to live for free in Kubu Merta, a 5 star villa, surrounded by incredible people…and still, I was unhappy!

How is this even possible? Apparently, in my case, I still managed to find things to be unhappy about. Like, not having something to do consistently.  Having lived for one month in Ubud, Bali, the magic of exploration disappeared as we had settled in. So I felt I needed something to do longer term. A more constant occupation.  I even almost wanted to have a job again!

Looking back, the reason seems quite silly and my approach highly passive. But back then, it was very real for me.
On the bright side, I experienced the hard way the saying: our INSIDE shapes the outside!

And it is not enough to assume that because I am on a dream journey everything will be all roses and bliss without any effort from my side. Because, as I found out, it doesn’t work like this.

There still are difficult times. There are challenges. There are moments of hardship.

And yes! I am solely responsible for the way I feel. And the external world is not going to make me feel better if I do not play my part as well. You can be in paradise and still find things to complain.
And you can be in hell and find things you like.

But…I did get over it. How? The answer is a no brainer, but well…by doing something! Because after several days of just being miserable, I had enough. And decided to take action, instead of bitching and complaining around. (by this time, I had driven Cristina mad as well )

And what do you think? Once I stopped being passive, I found plenty of things to do: planning our next trip to India, exploring more of Bali, writing on the blog, finding out more opportunities of creating business, making new friends, etc.

Surprise, surprise! 

For the past days, every morning, we had a special way of starting our day: Laughing out loud! Literally. In the lobby of Kubu Merta villa. For at least 10 minutes. No jokes necessary. Though you do need a lot of openness and willingness to try it out!

And if you don’t believe me, here are some pictures:

“Why?” is a valid question you might ask. Well, because somebody explained to us all the benefits that laughter has on our body. Even if the laughter is fake. It doesn’t matter because our body doesn’t know the difference. Just like when you watch a horror movie you might get scared, even if you know it is just a movie. As the body doesn’t know the difference. The same with laughter. If you laugh, you will feel good, even if there is nothing funny.

How about the benefits of laughing? Looking on the different websites, I especially liked the ones that say that laughing for 15 minutes is the same as going to the gym for an hour because it works a lot of your muscles (especially the abdomen- figure that? getting a 6 pack from laughing).

Also, when we laugh, our brain releases endorphins, the happiness hormones. Again, no matter if the laughter is real or not. And there are studies that prove that laughing for 15 minutes a day has been enough to lift away depression. (have a look here for more scientific tests)

So, with all this in mind, we will certainly be doing it again. It’s too fun to stop. Plus, it is FREE!

How about you? Are you willing to try out laughing out loud for 10 minutes a day?

Has it ever happened to you to realise that you surround yourself with the same type of people?
Or that sometimes you do most of your activities with a small group of good friends?

Probably a lot of us would answer Yes to at least one of the questions.
And that is not necessarily bad.
But, as we travel and meet so many people every day, I realised what a fulfilling experience it is to have diverse people from all age groups and backgrounds on your friends list.
Because with each new person we meet, we enlarge our perspectives, options, come in contact with another world that we might not have been aware of…

And to give you some practical examples, here a just a very few of the people we met and deeply broadened our horizons:

Elsha, a trash artist and gallery owner in Honolulu, sold everything and moved to Bali for a new beginning, 68. Elsha is amazing in terms of celebrating and enjoying life, taking joy in little things and being constantly creative. Plus, what fascinated us is her openness to learn! Even at her age, she is constantly asking questions. Unlike a lot of other people her age who already have a lot of certainties.

Phil, psychiatrist, 75.  He taught us how to be grateful and appreciate what we were given in our life. Phil is also great
at seeing the good in people and letting them know about it. He taught us not to take the great things that others do !for granted and to say Thank you! a lot more.

Shakar, owner of Tibetan Art galleries in Ubud, 28- Shakar opened our minds to the possibility of setting up a business. Also, we found out from him about the option of having homes in different places. He lives for 6 months in Ubud, Bali, 2-3 in New York, and the rest of the time he travels around the world.

Menno, life-long traveler, 45. He has had 60+ jobs in his life. From being a blacksmith to growing plants, from fisherman to making knives, from playing the jembes to
selling jewelry, he has done them all! Talking to Menno is like opening a practical encyclopedia of how to do almost anything!

Tim Draper, photographer, 36. While working for Rough Guides, Tim has been constanly traveling and changing countries for the past 4 years. He shared with us about the pluses and minuses of living on the road. He also shared the greatest learning he got: to trust people and have faith in them. No matter their relligion! No matter their skin colour. Because most people are good and will give you a helping hand.

Recognizing the diversity of the people listed, you can begin to imagine how many things we had missed out on had we not encountered them.
And sometimes, when we go out and surround ourselves with the same kind of people, that is exactly what we do.
We keep ourselves closed from a lot of other possibilities. And that is a bit a pity, isn’t it?

But because today there are so many options to change that and meet diverse people, as soon as we realise this, we can do something about it.
Yes, I agree it might be easier to do it while traveling. But there are so many ways of doing it even from home.
Use CouchSurfing to find the local CSers. Or use Facebook to find some interesting groups you can join. Or simply go to a coffee shop and strike up a conversation with a stranger that looks interesting.
And be curious about what will come out of it…

Since we got asked this question several times, we thought it might be useful to give a more detailed description of how it can be done.

And because we just finished a one month stay in Indonesia, here is the list of our expenses:

Visas: 64 euro
Transportation:
a)    Round trip tickets Singapore-Bali: 160 euro
b)    In Bali: 90 euro (includes all the taxi, boats, rental of motorbikes)
Food: 125 euro
Accommodation: 70 euro
Activities: 50 euro (including Internet, snorkeling, massages, etc)
Luggage items: 10 euro

Total: 569 euro

Observations:
-    Regarding internal transportation, you can spend a lot less if you chose to stay in one place
-    In terms of accommodation, we ended up paying for 2 weeks of our stay. Had we used CouchSurfing for all the days, we could have avoided those expenses.
-    Food expenses also can go down even more once you stay longer in one place, as you begin  to learn the cheap places to go

Some more random prices from Indonesia:
1 kg of bananas: 0.4 euro
1 kg papaya: 0.2 euro
1 beer: 1.3 euro
Dinner out in a normal restaurant: 2 euro
1 l of petrol: 0.33 euro
Haircut: 1.5 euro
One night budget accommodation: 5 euro
Renting a motorbike for one day: 4 euro
Street food enough for one meal: 0.5 euro

So, realising that it doesn’t really take a lot of money to travel, when are you coming over?

Healer blessing water

Happy smiley people, with flowers in their hair…temples popping up like mushrooms after the rain in almost each household…daily offerings to the Gods…mystical ceremonies, trance dances and holy mantras…experiencing all this, who would say that Bali is not a mystical place?

But even more, because of Elsha, we had the opportunity to get in touch with another side of Bali mysticism: the healers!

Now, they could not be more different that western doctors. Bali healers rely in their practice mostly on direct connection with God. Most of them live a simple life, meditate and make sure they think good thoughts to keep the connection.
This way they get guidance and know exactly what herbs and oilments to give to their patients.

And the results they seem to get are quite amazing!
Herman, Elsha’s neighbour, had his pelvis bone broken. After going to a healer, he could walk again.
Issac had totally shattered his hand in a bike accident, breaking the bones in five places. He went to a healer who put the bones back in place and gave him a special oil to rub his hand. In 2 days!! he could use it again.

While I was still very skeptical, as I heard all these stories, I thought to try it out myself. So that I could have a more objective opinion.
Therefore, together with Elsha and Phil, I went to Agun, a healer who is able to get in direct contact with the Gods and use their energy to help people. He can also ask the Gods on any question or problem you may have.

So, especially since it was not easy to reach the healer, as they are not commercial and somebody from the village needs to take you to them, I was looking forward to the encounter.

“How is my health?” was my first question.
“You sometimes have a stomach ache because you eat too late in the evening”, came the answer.
True, but pretty general. How many people out there get stomach aches when they eat late?

So, not convinced, i continued: “Can you ask the Gods about my emotional well being?”
“You should relax more”, Agun slowly told me. “You want to do too many things in a very short time. The Gods suggest you should take it easier.”
Now, this was quite accurate. I do want to do a lot of stuff and sometimes get stressed. But it is also general. How many other people in western societies do that?

So, I asked one more question: “How is my parents health?”
“Your father has problems with his stomach when he is stressed and he cannot sleep. And your mother has ticklish feet because of circulation problems. She also sometimes has waterish eyes”
And, as I later found out upon asking my parents, the answer was quite accurate again. And this time, also much more specific.

As it was getting quite late, I had to stop with the questions.

But one thing is for sure: I am now more likely to believe that stories about some of the healers in Bali are true. And that some of them can connect to some sort of energy (or God! Or whatever way you want to call it) and use it to heal and help people.

PS. If you had any similar experiences, feel free to leave a comment.

This was the topic of a conversation I had with Jaime, one of the CouchSurfers at Kubu Merta.

He confidently shared that he has total trust that we are going in the right direction. That we are making progress.
And he had a lot of examples:
- the development of internet and how we can share good ideas and create communities of people willing to work together.
- the increasing number of NGOs and organizations that strive to improve the different issues that humanity is facing.
- even the economic crisis as a blessing in disguise, who gave a lot of people the opportunity to reevaluate what they believe to be important and realise there is more to life than money and career.

Yes, he is definitely an optimistic person. A contagious optimistic person i would say.

But he made me realise: wooooaw! It does feel good to concentrate on the good things that happen in the world and have trust that it is going for the better.

Why? Because lately I used to do the opposite.
I used to think how many negative things there are: global warming, pollution, environment issues, poverty, wars, H1N1, etc.
And the discussion made me realised: I got sucked into focusing on them! So that i actually began to doubt that we could do much about it.

I mean, there are sooo many bad things! And what could you possibly do as a mere individual?

And realising my thought pattern, i also remembered a quote:

‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’

Because if people like us, who want to make a difference and bring our contribution to make a change for the better, allow ourselves to be contaminated and stay passive, then we are actually contributing to the current bad state.

So, this is my decision from now on: focus on the good!
And as I take this decision, I trust that we are living good times. Yes! There are plenty of things that we need to change and improve.
Nevertheless, realising that will not happen if we are pessimists or realists, we should dream more, trust more and especially DO more!

It is like we are in a beautiful garden, filled with exquisite roses of all colors. But there is also garbage in the garden.
A lot of plastic bags you get for free at the supermarket. Of course, we can chose to focus on the garbage and say: “How could somebody be so rude to throw it here?”.  Just as well, we can focus on the roses.
And how about: focus on the roses and throw some of the garbage in the dust bin?

“Hello! Want some sun glasses mister?”
As a tourist in Indonesia, you get this a lot. Okey, maybe not always sun glasses. But guarantee, if you take a short walk down the street, there will be at least a couple of people trying to sell you something.

And I tell you, it can get pretty frustrating.

Plus, apart from selling, they stare at you!
I remember on my first ever visit to Indonesia, in Padang (very remote place with hardly any tourists), people used to look straight at me as if I was some weird creature!
And they even wanted to take pictures of me. Individuals, families, and even a group of 30 school children have me in their photo albums.

This used to get me pretty annoyed as well.
You know, I wanted my personal space. I wanted to be left alone!

Okey, but why am I telling all this?
Well, because after the past few days of staying in Lombok, I got it: they really don’t have bad intentions!
They are just either very curious and in some cases have never seen a white man before. (come to think about it, if a black guy would go into a village in Romania, he would probably be stared at as well!)

Or, if they always try to sell you something and sometimes ask huge prices, it is largely because they have a big family at home to feed. And some of them live on less than 2 dollars a day. So, no wonder tourists to them are “walking wallets”!

Therefore, with this understanding, I came to a state of acceptance. Or, TII (This Is Indonesia)!
And, I guess, I became a better tourist.

Now, even as people stare and try to sell me things, I can still enjoy a walk on the street.

Accept them.

Smile and say “Hello!”

And move on!