Palamariu Family Blog

Once more India showed us how amazingly divers it can be. Going into the desert was almost like going to another country. The only characteristic that remains always constant is the hospitability of Indian people.

We started exploring the desert under Mado’s (our host) guidance. Few minutes after we arrived in Osian by bus, Mado welcomed us with the “taxi” ready to take us to his home. The wonderful “taxi” was a big docile camel, with 2 seats – one in front of the hump and other on the back. And his home was not few streets away, but 7 km in the hearth of the desert which means 2 hours of camel safari.

Just few kilometers away from Osian city, nature is changing. As we got deeper into the desert, the sand became the king of the scenery; though from time to time we could see small spots of vegetation consisting in short bushes or trees. Herds of dears, energetic squirrels, few parrots and peacocks share the leaving space with cows and goats. They seem to cohabitate in peace and harmony and since Indian people are vegetarian, none of these animals are scared for their lives.

Together with the nature, the rhythm of life changes as well, especially because there is no electricity in the desert. As consequence a normal day starts at 7am, in the same time with the sunrise and ends by 9pm, just 2 hours after the sunset. There is neither light nor electrical plug, no TV, Radio or Internet.  Even so, people entertain themselves. Visiting or receiving visits, sharing stories and jokes are mostly the fun activities for grownups while playing outside games that don’t require any object/toy make kids happy in the spear time. Villages are small – around 10 houses spread over 3 km; this is in a big contrast with the places we visited so far (New Delhi, Jaipur, Jodhpur, Osian). Kids go to school at walking distance of 30 minutes up to 1h and a half over hills of sand or rock therefore they are in good shape and energy after so much exercising.

Besides having an adapted lifestyle to the desert conditions, Indian people from this side of the country are different also by the way they dress and accessorize. Men wear flower shaped golden ear rings while married women can be distinguished by the golden “tiara” tied around the head under a transparent cover made out of silk.

Going toward the inside personal world, this was a good experience!! Visiting such a simple, peaceful place offered us another perspective about living; I was able before to imagine how desert life it is like, but living it was really insightful. Was like a trip in time, before discovering electricity and I couldn’t help making a list in my mind with the advantages and disadvantages of such a lifestyle. Some of the main pluses in my perception are: more creativity in entertaining without all the technology, closer relationships with the neighbors which don’t involve discussions about 5 o’clock terrifying news. Some of the minuses: no access to information except for the few books received from school, there are not many activities one can do over there so after a while I would get bored…

Besides the cultural experience and the insights we had from it, we enjoyed very much camel safari, the delicious food Mado’s wife cooked for us and wondering around over the hills for hours without meeting any person.

She is Dayu. The head of the staff at Kubu Merta villa.

She earns 70 euro a month. She, as most of the other people in Indonesia, works 6 days a week, gets only one day off…oh, and she has NO holidays! (can you imagine having just Sundays off and working the rest of the year?!?) Her husband, Ketut, is currently unemployed.

As she is pregnant, for her to go and give birth in a hospital (as in Indonesia medical care is not at all free!), it would cost her 300 euros (her salary for 4 months!) Plus there are plenty of ceremonies and offerings the Balinese culture expect from a new mother. Dayu also has to pay for that.

Moreover, Dayu and her husband live in a tiny room, where if two people lie on the floor, the third one would really have to really squeeze in!

But…Dayu is HAPPY! In our 2 and a half month stay in Kubu Merta, I have never seen her down. Nor have I ever heard her complain about anything.

And only once did i see her sad…and it was because her brother had accidentally deleted all her wedding pictures. So she had not one left! But even that…It lasted her just one day. Then she was back to smiling mode.

Obviously, all this really makes my “problems” look significantly smaller. Not to say mere trifles. And gives me little excuse for choosing to complain. And be unhappy about what I have.

Because it is soooo much more than what Dayu has. But she still chooses to smile…and work her way through it.

The sun outside was shining like a ball of gold. Sounds from the orchestra of birds, frogs and insects in the rice paddies filled the air. Loud laughter and chattering came from the kids playing next door. It all seemed like another day in Bali paradise.

Well, not for me. I literally felt like sh*t. Yeah! Can you imagine?!?
Having  total freedom to travel and do whatever I felt like… having the fortune to have a beautiful wife to share the adventures with…having the privilege to live for free in Kubu Merta, a 5 star villa, surrounded by incredible people…and still, I was unhappy!

How is this even possible? Apparently, in my case, I still managed to find things to be unhappy about. Like, not having something to do consistently.  Having lived for one month in Ubud, Bali, the magic of exploration disappeared as we had settled in. So I felt I needed something to do longer term. A more constant occupation.  I even almost wanted to have a job again!

Looking back, the reason seems quite silly and my approach highly passive. But back then, it was very real for me.
On the bright side, I experienced the hard way the saying: our INSIDE shapes the outside!

And it is not enough to assume that because I am on a dream journey everything will be all roses and bliss without any effort from my side. Because, as I found out, it doesn’t work like this.

There still are difficult times. There are challenges. There are moments of hardship.

And yes! I am solely responsible for the way I feel. And the external world is not going to make me feel better if I do not play my part as well. You can be in paradise and still find things to complain.
And you can be in hell and find things you like.

But…I did get over it. How? The answer is a no brainer, but well…by doing something! Because after several days of just being miserable, I had enough. And decided to take action, instead of bitching and complaining around. (by this time, I had driven Cristina mad as well )

And what do you think? Once I stopped being passive, I found plenty of things to do: planning our next trip to India, exploring more of Bali, writing on the blog, finding out more opportunities of creating business, making new friends, etc.

Surprise, surprise! 

You might be wondering why we have been so quiet on the blog in the last week. I am going to reveal the mystery: we have been exploring the artistic side that hides in our psychologist and engineer soul.

Given the fact we live in Ubud, a small town in Bali world renown for its artistic life, we knew that sooner or later we had to draw our attention towards art. And it all started with the coming of Menno and his djembes in Kubu Merta. Since then, there has been no day without music!
The visitors and even the staff in the villa are drawn by the djembes like a magnet!

Menno was also our teacher, explaining to us how to use the drums, as well as sharing with us the story of how they are built. We had several improv evenings in which we left ourselves carried away by the rhythm and the joy of the sounds and beats. It was great to notice how, after a while, counting the beats for a certain piece harmonized with feeling the rhythm and coordinating the hands!

As Kubu Merta welcomes professional drummers as well as beginners, 3 days before Christmas we had a jam session in which everybody was involved. Some pictures are available here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/CristinaSiRadu/SikhPerformanceAtKubuMerta#

Aside from music, we have also been exploring trash art: creating objects out of waste and decorating them! Together with Anna and Esther, we created Christmas decorations out plastic bottles, carton and lids. Our art was exposed in the lobby of the villa and admired by the visitors, as well as participants in the Christmas party. You can see it here: http://picasaweb.google.com/CristinaSiRadu/TrashArtWorkshop#

Remaining in the domain of painting, we also participated to a highly successful exhibition by Manacika Art Gallery, with the paintings of Indonesian painter Nanang Lugonto. Nanang also gave a demonstration in which he created on the spot the painting of one of the dancers who was performing on stage traditional Balinese moves.
More pictures here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/CristinaSiRadu/ManacikaPaintingExhibition#

All these artistic activities enriched and embellished my heart! Looking forward to our next experiences of this type!

Has it ever happened to you to realise that you surround yourself with the same type of people?
Or that sometimes you do most of your activities with a small group of good friends?

Probably a lot of us would answer Yes to at least one of the questions.
And that is not necessarily bad.
But, as we travel and meet so many people every day, I realised what a fulfilling experience it is to have diverse people from all age groups and backgrounds on your friends list.
Because with each new person we meet, we enlarge our perspectives, options, come in contact with another world that we might not have been aware of…

And to give you some practical examples, here a just a very few of the people we met and deeply broadened our horizons:

Elsha, a trash artist and gallery owner in Honolulu, sold everything and moved to Bali for a new beginning, 68. Elsha is amazing in terms of celebrating and enjoying life, taking joy in little things and being constantly creative. Plus, what fascinated us is her openness to learn! Even at her age, she is constantly asking questions. Unlike a lot of other people her age who already have a lot of certainties.

Phil, psychiatrist, 75.  He taught us how to be grateful and appreciate what we were given in our life. Phil is also great
at seeing the good in people and letting them know about it. He taught us not to take the great things that others do !for granted and to say Thank you! a lot more.

Shakar, owner of Tibetan Art galleries in Ubud, 28- Shakar opened our minds to the possibility of setting up a business. Also, we found out from him about the option of having homes in different places. He lives for 6 months in Ubud, Bali, 2-3 in New York, and the rest of the time he travels around the world.

Menno, life-long traveler, 45. He has had 60+ jobs in his life. From being a blacksmith to growing plants, from fisherman to making knives, from playing the jembes to
selling jewelry, he has done them all! Talking to Menno is like opening a practical encyclopedia of how to do almost anything!

Tim Draper, photographer, 36. While working for Rough Guides, Tim has been constanly traveling and changing countries for the past 4 years. He shared with us about the pluses and minuses of living on the road. He also shared the greatest learning he got: to trust people and have faith in them. No matter their relligion! No matter their skin colour. Because most people are good and will give you a helping hand.

Recognizing the diversity of the people listed, you can begin to imagine how many things we had missed out on had we not encountered them.
And sometimes, when we go out and surround ourselves with the same kind of people, that is exactly what we do.
We keep ourselves closed from a lot of other possibilities. And that is a bit a pity, isn’t it?

But because today there are so many options to change that and meet diverse people, as soon as we realise this, we can do something about it.
Yes, I agree it might be easier to do it while traveling. But there are so many ways of doing it even from home.
Use CouchSurfing to find the local CSers. Or use Facebook to find some interesting groups you can join. Or simply go to a coffee shop and strike up a conversation with a stranger that looks interesting.
And be curious about what will come out of it…

Healer blessing water

Happy smiley people, with flowers in their hair…temples popping up like mushrooms after the rain in almost each household…daily offerings to the Gods…mystical ceremonies, trance dances and holy mantras…experiencing all this, who would say that Bali is not a mystical place?

But even more, because of Elsha, we had the opportunity to get in touch with another side of Bali mysticism: the healers!

Now, they could not be more different that western doctors. Bali healers rely in their practice mostly on direct connection with God. Most of them live a simple life, meditate and make sure they think good thoughts to keep the connection.
This way they get guidance and know exactly what herbs and oilments to give to their patients.

And the results they seem to get are quite amazing!
Herman, Elsha’s neighbour, had his pelvis bone broken. After going to a healer, he could walk again.
Issac had totally shattered his hand in a bike accident, breaking the bones in five places. He went to a healer who put the bones back in place and gave him a special oil to rub his hand. In 2 days!! he could use it again.

While I was still very skeptical, as I heard all these stories, I thought to try it out myself. So that I could have a more objective opinion.
Therefore, together with Elsha and Phil, I went to Agun, a healer who is able to get in direct contact with the Gods and use their energy to help people. He can also ask the Gods on any question or problem you may have.

So, especially since it was not easy to reach the healer, as they are not commercial and somebody from the village needs to take you to them, I was looking forward to the encounter.

“How is my health?” was my first question.
“You sometimes have a stomach ache because you eat too late in the evening”, came the answer.
True, but pretty general. How many people out there get stomach aches when they eat late?

So, not convinced, i continued: “Can you ask the Gods about my emotional well being?”
“You should relax more”, Agun slowly told me. “You want to do too many things in a very short time. The Gods suggest you should take it easier.”
Now, this was quite accurate. I do want to do a lot of stuff and sometimes get stressed. But it is also general. How many other people in western societies do that?

So, I asked one more question: “How is my parents health?”
“Your father has problems with his stomach when he is stressed and he cannot sleep. And your mother has ticklish feet because of circulation problems. She also sometimes has waterish eyes”
And, as I later found out upon asking my parents, the answer was quite accurate again. And this time, also much more specific.

As it was getting quite late, I had to stop with the questions.

But one thing is for sure: I am now more likely to believe that stories about some of the healers in Bali are true. And that some of them can connect to some sort of energy (or God! Or whatever way you want to call it) and use it to heal and help people.

PS. If you had any similar experiences, feel free to leave a comment.

This was the topic of a conversation I had with Jaime, one of the CouchSurfers at Kubu Merta.

He confidently shared that he has total trust that we are going in the right direction. That we are making progress.
And he had a lot of examples:
- the development of internet and how we can share good ideas and create communities of people willing to work together.
- the increasing number of NGOs and organizations that strive to improve the different issues that humanity is facing.
- even the economic crisis as a blessing in disguise, who gave a lot of people the opportunity to reevaluate what they believe to be important and realise there is more to life than money and career.

Yes, he is definitely an optimistic person. A contagious optimistic person i would say.

But he made me realise: wooooaw! It does feel good to concentrate on the good things that happen in the world and have trust that it is going for the better.

Why? Because lately I used to do the opposite.
I used to think how many negative things there are: global warming, pollution, environment issues, poverty, wars, H1N1, etc.
And the discussion made me realised: I got sucked into focusing on them! So that i actually began to doubt that we could do much about it.

I mean, there are sooo many bad things! And what could you possibly do as a mere individual?

And realising my thought pattern, i also remembered a quote:

‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’

Because if people like us, who want to make a difference and bring our contribution to make a change for the better, allow ourselves to be contaminated and stay passive, then we are actually contributing to the current bad state.

So, this is my decision from now on: focus on the good!
And as I take this decision, I trust that we are living good times. Yes! There are plenty of things that we need to change and improve.
Nevertheless, realising that will not happen if we are pessimists or realists, we should dream more, trust more and especially DO more!

It is like we are in a beautiful garden, filled with exquisite roses of all colors. But there is also garbage in the garden.
A lot of plastic bags you get for free at the supermarket. Of course, we can chose to focus on the garbage and say: “How could somebody be so rude to throw it here?”.  Just as well, we can focus on the roses.
And how about: focus on the roses and throw some of the garbage in the dust bin?

“Hello! Want some sun glasses mister?”
As a tourist in Indonesia, you get this a lot. Okey, maybe not always sun glasses. But guarantee, if you take a short walk down the street, there will be at least a couple of people trying to sell you something.

And I tell you, it can get pretty frustrating.

Plus, apart from selling, they stare at you!
I remember on my first ever visit to Indonesia, in Padang (very remote place with hardly any tourists), people used to look straight at me as if I was some weird creature!
And they even wanted to take pictures of me. Individuals, families, and even a group of 30 school children have me in their photo albums.

This used to get me pretty annoyed as well.
You know, I wanted my personal space. I wanted to be left alone!

Okey, but why am I telling all this?
Well, because after the past few days of staying in Lombok, I got it: they really don’t have bad intentions!
They are just either very curious and in some cases have never seen a white man before. (come to think about it, if a black guy would go into a village in Romania, he would probably be stared at as well!)

Or, if they always try to sell you something and sometimes ask huge prices, it is largely because they have a big family at home to feed. And some of them live on less than 2 dollars a day. So, no wonder tourists to them are “walking wallets”!

Therefore, with this understanding, I came to a state of acceptance. Or, TII (This Is Indonesia)!
And, I guess, I became a better tourist.

Now, even as people stare and try to sell me things, I can still enjoy a walk on the street.

Accept them.

Smile and say “Hello!”

And move on!

It was during the NLP Master Practitioner course. Andrew Bryant, our trainer, asked us the question: “On a scale of 1 to 10, what level is your self esteem?”

During the room check, there was one single person with a level 10 self esteem. All the rest of us were lower. And because self esteem equals our sense of personal value and worth, Andrew challenged us further by saying: “all of you who are lower than 10 are on “discount”!”

It was pretty hard for me to comprehend the concept at first. But as the training progressed, I became more and more aware that over time I had learnt to judge and value myself based on external criteria: my achievements, what others thought about me, the jobs I had, etc. Forgetting that my self esteem and value should actually be intrinsic.

And since Andrew wrote a more in depth blog post on the topic, with which I deeply resonate, I thought of sharing it with you:

“How’s your self-esteem today?

Are you feeling super-good about yourself?

Or do you feel like yesterday’s take-out food that has been left out in the rain?

Have you been judging or criticizing yourself? Or have you been considering yourself less ‘worthy’ than someone else?

If you are not feeling super-good about yourself right now, or you know someone suffering from low self-esteem, then read on and discover the keys to building a healthy self-esteem.

When was the last time you touched your self-esteem? What color is it? How much does it weigh? These are ridiculous questions because your self-esteem is not actually a thing, it’s a process and to understand and work with self-esteem we must remember this.

The word ‘esteem’ means ‘value’, and so we can think of this process as self-valuing or valuing self. Also by being aware of the first word ’self’ we come to the realisation that self-esteem can only come from self valuing and not from others valuing you. Seeking our value from others is a common trap that leads to very unsatisfactory results because, by it’s very nature, self-esteem can never be achieved by seeking the approval of others. Paradoxically we get the most approval or regard from others when we are healthily self-valuing.

It’s a funny thing that we can accept a lot of things in life such as a rainy day, when we wanted it to be fine or a friend postponing an appointment, but we have difficulty accepting ourselves.

When was the last time you just accepted yourself for being you? You are unique, nobody can be you, you have nothing more to do to be you – can you accept that? What would it be like to accept yourself unconditionally? You would then be accepted at more places than Mastercard.

Now you may still feel the need to judge or measure yourself by what you do – most of us have been well conditioned to do this by our school system. Stop for a moment and consider a newborn baby. If you have actually been at the birth of your own child then this will be even more powerful. At the moment of birth, what can this new human being do? The answer is nothing, unless you count crying. Having acknowledged that a newborn can do nothing – how much do we value it? Answer – hugely. It is impossible to put a price on how much we value a new baby. Understanding that you were once a newborn and therefore came into this world with inherent value – what has happened that has caused you to devalue yourself?” (Andrew Bryant, director of Self Leadership International)

For the rest of the article, which includes 4 ways of building a Healthy Self Esteem, click here.

So, just wondering, what level is your self esteem?

As we started our honey-year with Singapore, let us share what we were up to during these days of silence: we have built special lenses to see the world from new perspectives. This is what the NLP course, that we have participated in for the past 14 days, offered us:

- Shifted matrixes of reality. Like in ‘The Matrix’ movie, one can always build its own reality. We can choose to shift to other feelings, states of mind, new initiatives when life is not the best movie we would have expected to be.

 - New ways to understand the rhythm and sound of our statements. There are subtle beliefs in what we are expressing, because from it all starts from beliefs. Let’s take for example ‘It’s not good to eat sweets just before dinner’. Enclosed in this short statement there are beliefs related to health, appetite, importance of rules…

- ‘In progress’ colorful painting, without borders, exposing the gallery of experiences. In my imagination, this is an abstract expressive painting, tracking meanings and knowledge, reminding that we are always learning, always improving.

- Opportunity to meet and work with extraordinary people. Great training and activities!!

In the honey-year journey, besides my new lenses I’ll take with me some precious friends: curiosity, creativity and determination. Please let me introduce them to you. Both friends ‘curiosity’ and ‘determination’ will be my company in all discoveries of cultures, people, myself and in the quest for paths towards reaching goals. ‘Creativity’ is already comfortable installed, ready for the new horizons…

Heading for the new destination, Bali-Indonesia, we are planning 2 weeks of ‘classical’ honeymoon on the beach, celebrating together the loooove . That means packing for next 2 days, which will be pretty much compensated with the 2 weeks on the beach. Good proportion isn’t it?